Sunday, March 22, 2009


Orginally posted on Aug. 17, 2008

I don't know if this will ever be published but I need to sort out what the Lord had been speaking to be about. I have found, for me, it helps to just write it out. I say that only to give you the warning up front...if you are reading this it was not written to make sense or to be free from errors....I am simply writing to solidify in my mind what the Holy Spirit is saying.
I am currently in a season where God is requiring A LOT of trust from me. My heart and my mind can not seem to catch up with each other to believe the same thing at the same time! I feel like I am being blown in every direction by a wind that I can not control. I long to just get out of the boat and on walk 0n water but just when I think I can do it.....doubt sets in and I sink. I have not been calling out to God about my situation, because if I am real honest, I don't think I want to know His will.

What if what He ask is to hard?

What if I don't want to?

What if I already know what He wants but I just don't agree?

Today, God has used the sermon this morning by Andy Stanley and my "homework" from No Other Gods to speak truth in my life about the trust issues that I am having. This morning Andy talked about The 5 Things that Grow your Faith. However, what really spoke to me was just little side note he mentioned about the fall. He said that everyone talks about how the fall happened when Eve disobeyed God and ate the fruit. In essence when people say that they are right. However, the fall started to happen when Eve questioned God. Satan planted the seed that God could not be trusted. Satan told Eve, " For God knows that when you eat of the fruit your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good from evil" (Gen. 3:4) Eve for just a moment questioned if she could really trust God or not. Did he really want what was best for her and Adam? Could God be trusted to follow through on His promises? His point was Eve's downfall to did not start with the bite. Eve's downfall started when she stopped trusting that God was good.

He concluded by saying " When you have absolute confidence in God, obedience is a natural overflow."

Now on to my homework. First, I must say that I am 1 week behind. I had grand plans to finish tonight because I am starting 2 new Bible studies and their homework begins tommorow! However, I felt strongly encouraged to untangle these things. Bible knowledge gets you NO WHERE without obedience. Back to tonights homework. She asked us to read Jonah 2-4:11. To be honest with you, I almost did not read it. I mean come on, I know the story of Jonah and I am trying to finish 1 week of homework in 1 night! But I knew it was short so I thought I would be a good girl, follow the rules, and read! The first verse that really stuck out to me was 2:8. " Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs." I don't have much to say about that other then....I have forfeited a lot of grace along the way because I simply could not/ would not let go of what was familar or easy and cling to THE ONLY ONE who can satisfy. Kelly (the author) started the homework by asking, " Do you obey God while not relating to Him? Have you surrended to Him while not trusting Him?" Ok Kelly....can you please watch my toes??
In Jonah chapter 3, Jonah obeys and Nineveh repents. You would think that the chapter would end. We have our happy ending with the pretty bow on top. However, it does not. God allows us to see a heart issue of Jonah's. Jonah is angry with God because God is going to show compassion to the Ninevites and he does not think they deserve compassion. God calls him out on it and asks "Have you any right to be angry" (4:4) At this point in the story Jonah is so mad he says it is better for him to die.


Kelly makes the following point, " Isn't it interesting in the midst of his obedience- or his ultmate surrender to God's directon-we can find a man who is so mad at God that he wants to die? I think the bottom line for Jonah was obedience without heart, surrender without trust."
A few paragrahps latter she continues, " God is not calling me to merely seek an answer from Him but to seek an answer with Him. To trust Him during the process of exploring His heart for my life decisions, not just to throw my hands up in resignation, sighing Thy will be done!"
That is when it hit me. I have been throwing my hands up and begrudgley saying, "whatever you want Lord" but what God desires from me is not to just follow His will and direction but to TRUST Him.

Like Eve, I been saying,
"Does God really want what is best for me?"

"Can He be trusted to work all things out for His good?"

I know the answer is yes....but do I REALLY believe it?

Then 4:10-11 brought it home for me.
" But the Lord said, "You have been concerned about this vine (the vine for me is my circumstance) though you did not tend it or make it grow. It sprang up overnight and died overnight. But Nineveh has more then a hundred and twenty thousand people who cannot tell their right hand from their left, and many cattle as well. Should I not be concerned about that great city?"

The Holy Spirit really convicted me that I am not concerned with the things that God is concerned with. Here I am worried about the vine (my issues) and God is saying those things don't matter. You did not make them succed or fail....I DID. Please get your eyes on what is important. MY PEOPLE. MY GLORY. MY RENOWN. The rest are just vines. They go and come. Don't get caught up in the vine (even though I gave it to you) Keep your eyes focused on what matters to me.

Lord, I long to trust you. I can say until I am blue in the face that You are good. I know that you have plans to prosper me and not to harm me. I know that You are all that matters. Please continue to speak to me through Your word . I want to be concerned with what you are concerend about. Teach me to take my eyes off myself and love what you love and hate what you hate.

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