Saturday, February 26, 2011

Crazy little thing called love

Over the last few weeks I have been reflecting on God's goodness not only to me personally but the goodness He has displayed in my marriage. The small audience that reads my blog for the most part are my personal friends.They know my story because they walked beside me/us a little over 2 years ago when infidelity rocked my marriage. They then helped me pack up my house and say goodbye to a life I loved and friends that I still miss. They stood next me as I made new friends in MS and started to build a life there. We lived there for almost a year and I can honestly say I am so thankful for the friendships that we made there. We had rebuilt our life and were about to buy a house when I found out that trust had breached again, this time just in the form of conversations but still breached. My friends stood beside me again and offered me a place to stay and safe haven to explore my feeling and thoughts. I moved to Atlanta without my husband and started the process of figuring out what life would look like as a 30 year old single mom.

In April of 2010 if you would have asked me if there was any way my life would look like it does now and that I would have the peace that I do I would have laughed in your face. I not only know that my God can do BIG THINGS I have seen Him do BIG things but even still to heal my heart seemed out of the question. However, that is exactly what He has done. I will even go as far to say that not only has God moved mountains in my marriage He has healed my marriage.

The funny thing about healing is I can't tell you the exact time that God started the process of healing in fact it was just over the last few weeks that I have realized what a great place our marriage is in. I have even had the privilege of walking beside a close personal friend as infidelity rocked her marriage and tonight get to go sit beside a friend of friend and share life with her as she has just started the journey of sorting thru her life when everything that made sense before is on longer sensible. God has used those 2 instances to show me how far Jeff and I have come. Never in a million years would I have felt like I would be ready to share wisdom with another woman who now is walking in my shoes down a path she never thought she would explore. I have prayed that God guards my heart from the old yucky feelings that can surface if I allow them. So far HE has been faithful and not only has protected me but more then anything in those conversations instilled in me a peace that continues to tell me " You see Lori, I do and I have made all things new in your marriage."

Choosing marriage is not an easy choice when trust has been broken. I read the Bible many times over trying to find my way out. Even though I knew staying in my marriage was the right thing to do and that God would honor the obedience it was HARD. However, I am so thankful that I chose marriage. I can not imagine my life without Jeff. Even though the past 2.5 years has been filled with many many many hard things.......even though we still grieve the things that were lost, we grieve them together. When we walked down the aisle 8 years ago we never imagined we would be where we are today but knowing what I know now.....I still say "I do".

I do choose to walk this life with my husband even when it is messy.
I do choose to remain faithful to my commitment to my covenant marriage.
I do choose to remember that love keeps no record of wrongs.
I do choose my husband. I choose our life. I choose to trust in the covenant maker.

"They are no longer two but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." Matt. 19:6

Friday, February 11, 2011

11 weeks

Even though I am still feeling pretty yucky we have had a fun week at the McKenzie house. On Thursday we got to see Baby McKenzie for the first time. There is nothing like seeing your baby for the first time and seeing that heart beat! Our technician was FABULOUS and was so good with Emma. Emma was more excited then anyone to see " my baby butther or sister". The technician gave Emma the first picture and wrote "hi Emma" on top and told her the baby was talking to her. Emma proudly took it to school and showed all of her friends. She has held pretty tightly to that picture over the last 24 hours. We could see the baby kicking around in my belly and Emma was very concerned that it was hurting mommy!

Some of my favorite Emma sayings over the last weeks have been:
"Mommy how is God making that baby in your tummy since He lives in your heart? That is a long way for his arms to reach?"

Something I was watching on TV made me cry and Emma came up to me and said " Mommy repeat after me....this is the day the Lord has made I will rejoice and be glad in it."

As I was rocking her to sleep one night she said, " Mommy I wish you would not have married daddy.You know why mommy....because I want to marry him when I grow up."

Jeff and I both had today off and had such a fun date day. He took me out for our Valentine Day lunch date, we watched a movie, took a nap, and just enjoyed spending the day together. We have a fun double date planned tomorrow night with some friends and will be attending Married Life Live at NorthPoint. Everything NorthPoint does is always so good and fun so I am very excited about another date with my husband tomorrow!