Sunday, March 22, 2009


Orginally posted on June 9, 2008

In less then an hour it will be 4 years since you died. There are times that I feel like you have been gone much longer then that and times that I feel like it was just yesterday. I know that you have the hope of glory now. I know that NOTHING on earth will ever compare to being at the feet of the One who ransomed you. But just for a minuet I want to pretend that I can sit with you and just chat.

As I am writing this I can hear the waves playing in Emma Kate's room. The thing that I think hurts the most is I will never get to see you play with or love my children on this side of heaven. I know with everything in me that you would have LOVED Emma Kate. But I long to see your eyes as you watch her, hear you laugh at her antics, and then hear you tell me "Gut, you were just like her!" Emma has your eyes. She is in every sense of the word a true "Hobbs" baby.

If I had just a minute I would tell you that even though you were not a perfect man, you were the perfect dad. I can honestly say that I always felt loved and protected by you. Thank you for treating me like a princess. I grew up to be a self confident woman because I never had to look for my worth or acceptance anywhere else because you taught me what I was worth by how you treated and loved me.

If I had just a minute I would tell you that you taught me a lot about Christ. Even though you never were "a spiritual leader" in our home God used your life and death to teach me things about Himself. Here are just a few of the ways that God used you to deepen my understanding about Him.

I have no issue understanding and accepting God's unconditional love for me. I never had to doubt yours so seeing God as Abba Father comes very easy for me.

While you were sick I learned that God could handle my tough questions. Sometimes He answered them but most of the time He just grew my faith. We came to an understanding that even if I don't understand "why" I can trust that HE is good.

God taught me that His NAME is enough. No fancy prayers....just HIS NAME. He taught me that a few years before you died. Mom called and told me that they had spent the day trying to locate a facility for you. You had an episode and was kicked out of where you were staying until your medicine could be adjusted. I was driving and felt helpless.

I was scared for you.

I cried out to God and had to pull over because the tears were coming so quickly. I told Him that I did not know what I needed but I needed it fast. In a very audible whisper I heard, " Just say my name." So I sat in my car and started...
JESUS, SAVIOR, EL Roi (The God who sees me), KING OF KINGS, LORD OF LORDS, I AM, CREATOR, SUSTAINER, Jehovah Jireh (The Lord who provides), Hashem (The Name), Alpha and Omega, The Beginning and The End, Prince of Peace

I was drained from emotion so I just started saying over and over again.....Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus and there in my car on HWY 31 in Hoover The Prince of Peace flooded my soul. It was in that moment that I started to understand the power of His Name.

It was during your sickness that God taught me that my faith wasn't based on how I felt but on what I knew. I did not feel like God was faithful. I did not feel like God was good. I did not feel like God had plans to prosper me. The fact that I now understand that my relationship with Him has nothing to do with how I feel and everything to do with who HE IS has given me great freedom.

The day I found out you were sick I remember sitting in my student pastor's office and telling him I was afraid I would get angry with God and walk away from everything I knew to be truth.
God was faithful. He held on to me when I begged Him to let me go. When I tried to run He drew me closer to Himself.

So dad, even though you never led me in Bible Study or prayed over me, I learned a lot about God through of you.

If I had just a minute I would say:
*Thank you for taking me on dates.
*Thank you for coaching my softball teams.
*Thank you for "just because I love you" presents
*Thank you for passing your love of tea down to me.
*Thank you for passing your love of people down to me.
*Thank you for aggravating me.
*Thank you for waxing my car 3 times before you felt like it was good enough to give to me.
*Thank you for our trips to Mechams.
*Thank you for being fun.
*Thank you for sending me my first dozen roses.
*Thank you for buying me a pearl on every birthday. I had exactly 24 and you died 2.5 hours before my 24 birthday. I will always cherish it.
*Thank you for walking me down the aisle.
*Thank you for giving me the Hobbs eyes so I could pass them down.
*Thank you for indirectly teaching me more about God then I would ever have learned through a Bible Study.

I love you dad. I miss you as much today as I did on June 10th 2004.

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